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Seniors Guide published an advice column by R. Eric Thomas addressing a 75-year-old reader who says he is unhappy in his 45-year marriage and afraid to leave his wife, who has long experienced mental health difficulties. Thomas recommends practical planning and professional support rather than treating the decision as a simple choice to stay or go.
Seniors Guide published an advice column on October 26, 2026, in which writer R. Eric Thomas responded to a 75-year-old man who says he feels trapped in a 45-year marriage shaped by his wife’s mental health struggles and his caregiving role. Thomas urged the reader to think through the practical consequences of any separation and seek support, rather than treating leaving as a decision he must manage alone.
The reader, identified by the pseudonym “Self-imprisoned,” said his wife has received various treatments for about 30 years for what he described as treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder. He wrote that mental health professionals and close friends had told him the relationship was harming his mental health and advised him to leave. Those descriptions are the reader’s account; the column does not independently verify his wife’s diagnosis, treatment history or the advice he received.
The man said he had stayed because of a vow, his wife’s dependence on him and concern that she would be devastated. He described feeling compassion but not love or respect, and said counselors had called the couple codependent. He also wrote that he fears leaving at 75 and has no family to rely on, though he does have friends.
Thomas acknowledged the strain described by both partners and asked whether the people advising the reader to leave had helped him work out what that would involve: where he would live and what he would do. He suggested reading Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and working with a marriage and family therapist experienced in codependent relationships. Thomas’s response did not tell the reader simply to stay or to leave.
Planning Beyond the Stay-or-Leave Choice
The column addresses a decision with emotional and practical consequences for an older couple: how to respond when one partner says a long relationship is damaging their wellbeing, while the other depends on them. Its central point is that separation involves planning, including housing, support and the needs of both people, rather than only a declaration of intent.
For readers in comparable situations, the response also underscores the limits of broad advice from friends or professionals when the next steps have not been worked out. Thomas framed the reader’s wellbeing as part of the problem to address, while cautioning that the future of the marriage should not be treated as a burden he must determine entirely by himself.
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A Reader’s Account of 45 Years
The item appeared in Seniors Guide’s “Asking Eric” advice column, written by R. Eric Thomas. The source presents a letter from a reader and Thomas’s response; it is not a reported investigation into the couple’s circumstances or a clinical assessment.
The reader described a marriage of 45 years and about three decades of treatment for his wife’s reported mental health conditions. He said counselors had characterized the relationship as codependent. The source offers no independent account from the wife, her clinicians or the friends mentioned in the letter, so the details about the marriage and treatment remain attributable to the reader.
“I would like to have a healthy relationship before I die.”
— The reader, writing as “Self-imprisoned”
Key Details Remain One-Sided
The column does not say whether the reader has decided to leave, whether he and his wife have discussed separation, or what arrangements might be available for housing, finances or care. It also does not provide the wife’s perspective or confirm her diagnoses, the effects of treatment, or the precise recommendations made by professionals and friends.
Thomas’s reply is advice based on the letter, not a clinical evaluation or a report that a separation plan is underway. The source does not establish whether the couple sought therapy together or whether the reader acted on the suggested book and counseling referral.
Support and Practical Planning
No follow-up or next milestone was reported in the source. Thomas recommended that the reader consider working with a marriage and family therapist experienced in codependent couples and think concretely about possible living arrangements and what each partner would need. He also suggested Beattie’s book as a resource.
Whether the reader will pursue counseling, make a separation plan or remain in the marriage is unknown. The column’s immediate next step is therefore not a reported change in the relationship, but the planning and support Thomas urged before the reader makes a decision.
Key Questions
What happened in the Seniors Guide column?
R. Eric Thomas responded to a reader who is 75 and says he is unhappy in a 45-year marriage. The reader described caregiving strain and fear about leaving; Thomas advised planning and seeking support.
Did Thomas tell the reader to leave his wife?
No. Thomas did not give a simple instruction to leave or stay. He asked whether the reader had considered practical questions such as where he would go and what he would do, and recommended professional support.
What did the reader say about his wife’s mental health?
The reader described his wife as having treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder and said she had undergone treatment for about 30 years. Those details are the reader’s account; the column does not independently confirm them.
What resources did Thomas suggest?
Thomas suggested Melody Beattie’s book Codependent No More and working with a marriage and family therapist experienced in codependent couples.
Is a separation or therapy plan confirmed?
No. The source does not report a decision to separate, a completed plan or whether the couple has begun therapy. The reader’s next steps are unknown.
Source: rss
